Well... malapit na mag-Valentines. and it's making me really sad that I won't be "happy" and filled with the Valentines spirit this whole week. Napapaluha na ako just thinking about that. True, hindi pa naman ako boyfriend-less... but the fact that I'm in this situation right now, parang ganun na din. And it's really tearing me apart.

Moe, accidentally insulted my parents... and syempre, as a family, we dealt it as one -together. I do understand what my parents felt though... and even if I want to fix this mess, everything is on Moe's hands. I guess, this is where we will see if we can overcome this obstacle or not. Marami na din kasi kaming napagdaanan. And even if hindi siya all-out and all, we gave time and investment for it to always work out. Pero grabe, eh... ang hirap ngayon. I guess, pumatong na din yung reason na wala na akong nararamdaman na "fire' sa relationship namin because of all the constraints he has. after all, I will always be the last of his priorities given God, his work and his family. Pa minsan, na-dodoubt ko kung talaga bang ganun or its just his excuses and reasons for not trying harder. Mali ko ba yun as a girlfriend to always have made him felt secure about me loving him all the time?

Pa minsan, it would always be a "compromise"-thing between us... and moe always plays safe with these kinds of things. quite honestly, I think the more aggressive he gets, the better and faster this will end. But ayun, given sa mga constraints mentioned above, I think that is highly possible. Kaya ayun, I am preparing myself that sometime soon, our relationship would end. I mean, hopefully hindi... but I guess, with the way Moe thinks and plans, hindi siya "palaban" and "risk-taker", eh. Natamaan pa ako sa sinabi ni Boksu kahapon sa service. If someone really loves somebody, gagawin niya ang lahat para lang mapakita yun sa kanya. rain, shine or baha. Napaisip naman ako, ever ba yun nagawa ni Moe sa akin? as in, despite the constraints he has, he never really went out of the way to do something for me? usually kasi, he'll just succumb to those constraints and hope that I'll understand. True, iniintindi ko naman, eh... But iba na kung he still made ways to show me how much he really felt.

kaya siguro, nasasabi ko ngayon na wala ng "fire" sa relationship namin dalawa. Parehas kaming nakatali sa mga constraints niya that I end up making "tiis" all the time. Kahapon lang, napag-usapan namin na gagawan namin ng solution yung mga problema... Alam ko naman na magagawan siya, eh. Pero, it might not be the right solution to make things work for both of us. I'm not really sure anymore... feeling ko kasi, nasa point na din si Moe na ayaw na niya mag-"work" for this relationship. And pa minsan, hindi na rin siya siguro masaya with me. I end up being the one compromised to his world rather than being a part of his life.

...hayyy, ang lungkot. Hindi pa naman ako umiiyak. But ayaw ko naman na umabot pa yun sa point na yun. True, I still love Moe from the bottom of my heart. But with these things that are happening, I don't know how long I can carry them. Napapagod at nabibigatan din naman ako, hindi naman ako superman... And right now, I need to the hardest part in life, waiting.

"All I hear is raindrops falling on the rooftop 

Oh baby, tell me why’d you have to go 

‘Cause this pain I feel it won’t go away 

And today I’m officially missin’ you."

Yes... I so terribly miss him. Why does he have to leave for nine days?? aaack, I can't stand it.

from: http://quizfarm.com/run.php/Quiz?cmd=showResult WHAT MAJOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU?

You scored as a Education/Counseling

You should strongly consider majoring in Education, such as early childhood education, middle childhood education, secondary education, or related majors (e.g., Vocational Education, Special Education, P.E./Physical Education). <br> <br> It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it. <br> <br> Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests. Psychology is a great minor for education majors. Please post your results in your myspace/blog/journal.

Education/Counseling 81% Accounting/Finance/Marketing 75% HR/BusinessManagement 69% Visual&PerformingArts 69% English/Journalism/Comm 69% Physics/Engineering/Computer 56% Nursing/AthleticTraining/Health 56% Mathematics/Statistics 56% French/Spanish/OtherLanguage 50% Psychology/Sociology 44% Religion/Theology 44% History/Anthropology/LiberalArts 38% PoliticalScience/Philosophy 31% Biology/Chemistry/Geology 31%